So yeahh...
I have all these pent up thoughts stuck inside of me, and I figured I need somewhere to put them all, since I worked out that most people just don't care to listen to them. That's not a pessimism, that's a truth, by the way.
So here, people can browse my silliest thoughts at their leisure if they so wish to. And I have somewhere to share who I am with the world. Yep, that's the backstory to me wanting to get a blog, I'm afraid to say nothing notable happened to bring me here. Just life and those things.
Anyway. Today I have spent revising, very efficiently I think. I did one hour revision, then one hour something else, and it helped me focus. I hope I've done enough because I have absolutely no intention of doing anymore tonight, and my exam is at 9am tomorrow. Oh the pleasures of globalisation.
I also made crackers. Well, the dough was already made from last time we made crackers, so all I had to do was roll it out and make it flavoury. Still counts though, right? I made curry crackers, salty crackers, peppery crackers, paprika crackers, and garlic and herb crackers. How creative of me! I do love baking stuff. I want to make another cheesecake, but it doesn't quite fit with the diet that I'm supposed to be on, seeing as the main part of baking is the part where you eat what you made.
Right, in other news, here's what I came here to do, vomit out some of that emotional bollocks that's going on in my brain. Basically, despite being a huge adovocate of social transparency for as long as I remember, I have decided over the past few weeks that there are some things that are best left alone. Things that one was adequately comfortable not knowing. It's all about balance, I think, and there are some things that are best left unsaid so they don't cause issues that just shouldn't be. Like how everyone wishes their friends would just say what they think to their faces, but when it happens all it does is hurt, and somehow doesn't feel quite as self-fulfilling as you thought it would. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. It's like communism, it sounds like a good idea, but if you see it in practise you realise that everyone was a lot happier the old, inherently flawed but somewhat more convenient way.
I am led to this exact conclusion after being told something that right now I feel has set me back socially about two years, to when I was painfully shy and could not talk to anyone. And it tore me up inside. Recently, I would say that for the first time in my life I was actually happy with who I was. But it seems that I don't quite understand the rules of social interaction between the sexes as well as I thought. I have a lot of male friends, and yeah, there have been various issues with this in the past, but by adhering to the previously mentioned unwritten rule of social interaction, whereby you only tell what is neccessary, issues never elevated into full blown problems. But now, all I feel is awkward and like I've done something wrong, and like I'm some kind of awful person who makes people read things into what I'm saying. Thing is, these things were never meant to be read, because they were never there. Argh. Now I worry that this is some kind of trend that I don't know about, and would have quite happilly lived my life having not known about. Now I will be forever worried, in every conversation I have, that my words are being heard in a different way to which I meant them. I don't want to mislead people, I just want to live a peaceful life with my favourite people by my side.
Whoa massive paragraph. The implications of this for me, I think, are going to be that I just stop talking to people again out of paranoia. I hope that I just forget about it, but once you know something you can't unknow it, so I suppose I'll just have to live with it.
In lighter news, I have a cat on my lap.
And I have a week off work. This is a mixed blessing, however, as it will be filled with dissertation writing and void of something else that I don't care to mention here.
Anyway. I hope that whoever reads this is enlightened. Wow, I really write like I'm writing some kind of essay. I don't want to be so academic anymores! I might start writing lyk dis 2 stp bing sch a twat. Nah. I'd be more of a twat if I wrote like that.
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