nostalgia

Nostalgia is a bitch.
I like to remember good times that I had with old friends, don't get me wrong, but what I don't like is when I get random flashback-like experiences that put me in a strangely sullen mood for the rest of the day, with the (supposed) knowledge that the best days of my life have been and gone.
I miss my old friends, but I mean I miss the people we were. People change, we've all grown up (some more than others) and our priorities change. I miss when we all seemed like the most important people in the world to each other. I miss going to town every saturday, no matter if we had money or what the weather was. Off we would go at 11am, trot over the Itchen Bridge in the wind or the rain or (occasionally) the sun and we'd be having the best time ever because we were all together, amongst all our favourite people
Maybe I see this differently to everyone else. But nowadays it seems that no one (myself included) can have a good time unless the conditions are just right, unless we have ample money, unless there's alcohol involved (inevitably there always is). What about the simple pleasure of just being in each other's company?
I hate growing up. Much of my childhood was spent looking forward to being a grown-up, but now I am a grown-up, I want to be a child again. And it is true that becoming a grown-up isn't a process, it's just something to realise one day, amidst worrying about money and deadlines one day you just stop and think "shit, I'm a grown-up now". I have responsibilities.
I don't feel ready to be a grown-up, but then I wonder if anyone ever does.