man I'm just tired and bored of myself

I'm getting into this habit of naming my blogs with lyrics that I like/feel are relevant.

Not sure if it's a good habit.

I don't actually have a lot to write about. I don't want to just write another silly rant, cause I seem to do those a lot lately. I've not done much recently really.

Connie and I went to the park yesterday after going to town for a bit with Becky. That was nice. We ate Vienetta, which I have just remember is still in the freezer. HELLZ YEAH!

And, a butterfly landed on Connie's hand! How lovely is that?! Unfortunately I was incapacitated with a half eaten Vienetta, so I could not take a picture. She's like mother nature.

Louise and I also made a lump of strawberry and coconut cake, which is blogged here. We even made it into a meme.

I am basically just writing a list today. I don't feel very substantial, therefore what I am writing is of little substance.

I was going to write some of my novel, but for this reason it may not be a good idea. Not sure anyone would read a novel written entirely in the style of a list. It wouldn't suit the story anyway.

I want to move to Brighton but it's super expensive and I would have to find a job there. I hate that housing costs so much money. I truly believe that if property was cheaper the economy would be better off and everyone would be happier. But I know little of the economy so maybe not.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in a different time. Like, earlier in the twentieth century. I think I would have liked the sixties. I don't know though, cause I wasn't even thought of then. I think I might have liked a world before modern technology. I mean, I am a bit of an old person about it all now, and I like old stuff.

Biscuit just ran into the crinkly cracker with a packet of Dreamies. Naughty.

I want to live in a humble house with a lot of land where I can grow food and keep chickens. I'd like to generate my own electricity at least in part. I would harvest rainwater. I would have cats and a dog and maybe a pig. I'd make my own clothes, I'd recycle everything I possibly could, I'd tinker and fix things, I'd have a pantry instead of a refrigerator, I'd keep bees, make jam, go blackberry picking. I'd make wine and cider (but not moonshine!), I'd bicycle everywhere. I'd buy anything  I couldn't grow myself from markets and local farm shops.

Maybe that's why I feel like I'm not achieving much, cause my dream life is so aspirational. I'd need SO MUCH MONEY to enable me to live without dependence on money. How ironic. I'd need to purchase a house (which is fucking impossible these days), adapt it for energy making, and all sorts of other things. I don't like feeling trapped in a system I hate. Maybe that's why so many people are depressed these days. We're dependent on a system we hate, and there is literally nothing we can do about it. On some level, I think we are all battling with it everyday, whether it's struggling every day through a job you hate, applying for a payday loan to pay off the last payday loan  you took out, going to the shop and finding the price of everything has risen again and opting for noodles and readymeals again cause it's just cheaper, or not having the time to enjoy life cause you're always at work or too tired from being at work. Or simply waking up every morning and knowing that something just isn't right.

I watched Fight Club the other day and I liked this bit:

"God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."


I knew I'd reach a point if I rambled long enough.