I can't sleep, or rather I don't feel in the least bit tired despite having worked a full shift today. This isn't too much of a problem because I have a day off tomorrow, so when I do eventually go to sleep I can sleep all I like.
This sleeplessness is actually helping me get things done. Where I'm not actually tired, I feel quite motivated to do things. So I am getting all those little odd jobs done that I never get time/effort to do during the day. For instance, I have fixed one of the cat tents because it was broken and the little pole bits kept falling out, so I've sewn it up and put some wax over it to seal it. I have also cleaned both the tables, put away some bits that were just lying about, and generally done some tidying.
AND I EXERCISED! What a good person! I'm trying to lose weight sensibly and a little at a time, and my weekly weigh-in is on Tuesday, so I want to reach my target, it is the first week after all!
Oooh, and I finished Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, and read the whole of Of Mice and Men, which although it is a short book I still feel like is a kind of achievement. That's two crossed off the list in one day! I love crossing things off lists!
This basically sums up my biggest irrational fears. It gets worse late at night I think and I'm having it now. It's so silly, of course my house isn't going to just fall down, but sometimes I just can't comprehend the amount of weight being held up by my floor boards. It's just a bunch of wood and bricks, how the hell can hold up something as heavy as say, my wardrobe? And what about my wardrobe, all the shit under my bed, and my bed with me and Tom in it? That's a fuckload of weight. What the fuck? How can a bunch of wood and bricks, no matter how strategically placed, how all that up? I don't understand and I don't like it. Especially living in a house that's over 100 years old. What about all the wear and tear that's happened over that time? Was my house even designed to hold this much weight that the modern, consumer era brings?
I hate it and it makes me panic so much. What makes me panic more is the washing machine or the bath, or how just a few screws hold a whole kitchen cupboard on the wall with ALL THAT HEAVY SHIT inside it. I refuse to believe that it is possible. What if the people who changed all the layout of the house forgot something? There isn't a wall beneath the kitchen and bathroom. That's two rooms full of heavy things being held up by God knows what?! And the amount of cracks in our walls! See! Wear and tear!
It's so irrational, but when I'm panicking about it to me it feels like the irrational part is the fact that people just blindly trust their houses every single day to contain all their heavy shit without as much as a creak. Something will give one day, but what will break it? How heavy does it have to be before it all falls down?
I probably should sleep soon, but I don't want to add extra weight to my already heavy room.
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